


chance

by xighs



Series: wide and bright and molten gold [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Cock Warming, Eventual Smut, F/M, Firelord Zuko (Avatar), Future Fic, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Pillow Talk, Pining, Rare Pairings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24551434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xighs/pseuds/xighs
Summary: “We could’ve made it work.”There is regret in his voice that is breaking her heart as each chip splinters into fragments the longer the silence lets on. She feels like she has every right to want to cower away from the intensity of his heated glare, but instead she finds herself enamoured by the conviction behind those burning irises that are so captivatingly wide and bright and molten gold.They seem to be fiercely searching for answers in the viridescence of her own eyes, and failing to uncover them there, because maybe the answer lies elsewhere.
Relationships: Jin/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: wide and bright and molten gold [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726255
Comments: 34
Kudos: 348





	chance

**Author's Note:**

> I SWEAR TO GOD THIS FIC IS PLOT DRIVEN *GLARES AT THE TAGS* but these two just cant keep their hands to themselves can they
> 
> (also jin pov HERE WE GO)
> 
> *can be read as a stand-alone, but i highly recommend reading the previous fics before this to follow up on their relationship timeline!

“No, _no-”_ He stresses the last syllable for emphasis. “Absolutely not.”

All heads turn to Firelord Zuko, seated at the head of the council table. Unlike his past predecessors, Zuko has taken up on himself to consciously avoid being perched on the menacingly high dais - where ruling firelords customarily sat overlooking their… ‘lesser’ subordinates - at all costs, preferring eye-level discussions during meetings instead.

It’s not happening. This proposal of theirs. Too risky, too dangerous, too-

Jin audibly sighs, exasperated.

So much has changed over the last three years.

Under his reign as firelord, Zuko has placed a movement order for fire nation colonials to return to the mainland. He has also reintroduced back the long-established law and justice system his country used to practice before his great grandfather Sozin instituted a more dictatorial administration - amending several improvements of his own into the revisions, but not without the unanimous consensus of his court.

Apart from reforming his government, Zuko actively participates in whatever he can with rebuilding the world after the war with his good friend, Aang.

So, yeah - he has a lot on his plate as is.

Add this ridiculous proposal to the platter.

There is a board plastered with charts, graphs and a detailed itinerary of the expedition presented up front and it’s very impressive, yes, but is it viable-

“It’s _viable,”_ Jin states, as if reading his thoughts. He can see her suppressing an eye roll. “We wouldn’t be coming all this way if we hadn’t cross-checked our sources or retallied calculations,” she argues, defensively crossing her arms. “For a year’s worth of research… this is pretty solid.”

Ah, there’s that stubbornness Zuko is all too familiar with.

Jin is much too adamant for her own good.

He studies her for a moment, calculatingly of course and not all ogling. Yep. Not at all ogling.

She looks as good as he last remembered seeing her in Ba Sing Se University - slender, waist cinched with the sash of her dress to accentuate her shapely hips; pretty, almost elfin in her dainty features across the smooth expanse of fair skin. And not forgetting the way she wears her hair in now - in a half updo that has her dark, layered hair freely cascading down.

 _It’s longer now,_ Zuko absently thinks to himself.

He wants to reach out and run his fingers through it to test if it feels as soft as it looks - but there are more pressing matters at hand.

“So I gather this expedition proposal centered around the resurgence of Wan Shi Tong's Library is on the basis of a supposed legend,” He tersely recaps, unconvinced. He brings his hands together to lace his fingers on the table. “Is that what you deem as _solid?”_ He challenges with authority in his tone. “Or am I missing out anything else?”

Professor Zei cuts in this time, clearing his throat. “We have a witness.”

Of that Zuko is highly aware. The sandbender tribesman sticks out like a sore thumb amongst their party, what with his bandaged arms and legs in woven fabric clad with multiple layers of taupe clothing contrasting strikingly amidst the green hues of the earth kingdom scholars.

His face is also swaddled in cloth, save for the parting of a slit from the gauze wrappings for his eyes. When first introduced to Firelord Zuko, he prefers not to be named.

“It is no legend,” he cautions, voice muffled, but tone firm. “Every 72 years, the Si Wong desert is plagued with the Burning Season, where its temperatures are at its hottest. During this time, our people do not dare to travel far.”

Zuko can faintly hear the lilt in his foreign accent the longer he speaks. He prods him on with the nod of his head.

“Wan Shi Tong is cunning and full of tricks,” the sandbender’s eyes narrow. “He knows journeying through the desert will be the most gruelling by this time. Which is why he taunts those knowledge seekers by raising his library up from the sands,” he elevates his wrapped hands in a lifting motion to his words, “daring them to come.”

This still doesn’t prove anything. Zuko frowns, but the sandbender isn’t finished.

“Those with pure hearts who do not seek knowledge for personal gain, Wan Shi Tong grants safe passage,” he says. “Those who are selfish and wish for knowledge to exploit their enemies, Wan Shi Tong dooms.”

Zuko holds the sandbender’s stare, as pensive as he is impatient.

“My grandfather was one of the few men who returned back from the last known expedition for Wan Shi Tong’s Library,” he continues, voice solemn. “He was finding a cure for my grandmother, who’s disease was incurable at the time,” his eyes are downcast in reverence to the memory. “To honour his bravery, I will vouch for anyone who is in search of the library for a noble cause. There are many lives my father has saved with his vaccine. And there will be plenty more to be saved if we have the knowledge to revive dead soil.”

“Please, we’ve tried _everything,”_ Professor Zei interjects, almost begging. “There are not enough farming grounds to harvest crops to feed the people. We _need_ to find other methods to fertilize the barren lands the war had burnt to ashes to the ground - and the solution we seek might lie in Wan Shi Tong’s Library,” he declares in one hurried breath. Adding to his plea, he reasons, “It is no coincidence that the Burning Season is upon us this year. We _must_ begin preparations.”

Zuko’s face gives way to a grimace, staring back inquiringly at Zei. “And what news of the recent agricultural efforts to overcome it?”

“Ineffective,” Jin replies instead, face laced with concern. Zuko turns his head to meet her eyes.

“We’ve sought out traditional and modern methods used by both earth and fire nations but to no avail. It also doesn’t help that we can’t gain much insight from the watertribes since they do not live in lands feasible for farming, and the air nomads-” She breaks off mid-sentence, expression softening and eyes wistful. “If they were here today, their wisdom will be most valuable to our cause.”

Zuko’s mouth hardens in one line as he holds her gaze.

Jin has always been brilliant, no doubt - excelling every subject they ever took together in the night classes they attended at the end of their day shifts in Ba Sing Se. He expected nothing less from the brightest of their class to be able to score a scholarship to the prestigious Ba Sing Se University - though that came with its own hardship, and many, many unsuccessful tries.

Visiting her in that same university right after the war, he saw a new drive in her that doesn’t involve him in her future anymore, since they are obviously two very different people at the time; fresh in their respective roles in life, eager to fulfill their new purposes - with Jin being an undergraduate in humanities and social sciences, and Zuko being firelord.

Her intellect is commendable, but she can also be rash in her decisions whereby it has taken Zuko years as firelord to learn how to not let emotions cloud judgement. He is still learning, though.

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices movement across the table.

Jin is sliding a piece of paper to him, along with a dry brush. A vial of ink sits readily at his side, though at first he thought the placement to be merely ornamental.

Zuko’s head mechanically lowers down to the document. There in black and white are the signatures of the two watertribe chiefs, the earth king and… Zuko curses mentally when he reads the next name - Avatar Aang.

_How the hell can he approve this?_

There’s a space left unceremoniously blank for another expectant signature and frankly, Zuko’s having none of it.

“My answer is still _no.”_

* * *

Jin contemplates illegal conduct.

I mean, she _might’ve_ taken up _some_ liberties in making plans beforehand without her professor’s knowledge - a group of reliable guides the sandbender has known connections with already hired for contract and two sturdy sand-sailers that have passed inspection for defects booked and ready.

With the located coordinates deciphered by Jin and her team through observing the constellations in the desert sky based on several reports of the library’s last known whereabouts, they’re pretty much set to go - with or without the official clearances.

Jin had to admit, it was a pain in the ass trying to match up location records dating back from 144 years ago to the last one. And don’t get her started on the relentless digging for any salvageable transcripts from 216 years prior - which was near impossible to work with when you’re handling aged, brittle paper that easily crumbles into dust within your fingertips if you’re not careful enough.

Still, they managed.

If it weren’t for that one pesky hurdle of getting the approval of _all_ heads of government to sanction their mission, they would very well be on their way by now.

It’s damning.

The firelord’s will is resolute.

_But who’s to say that she’s out of tricks?_

Members of the world restoration committee have long retired to their chambers by now, accommodation for their night’s stay here from their long, arduous trip to the fire nation hosted in the palace itself.

If she’d known better, she would’ve guessed that the firelord is probably still in his office at this hour.

She has heard Professor Zei comparing the palace to a maze, and though it is her first time here, she doesn’t seem to be lost. Her legs take her confidently forward with each step past the winding halls, relying on common sense, noting on how she may be getting closer to her destination by the rise in number of royal guards at every corner, casually shooting smiles of acknowledgement to them to lessen their suspicions as she leisurely strolls by.

She has been aware of the many assassination attempts on Zuko’s life by Ozai supporters, so the safety of the reigning monarch remains of utmost priority.

Her pass on being one of the board directors for the world restoration movement she formed with her lecturer, Professor Zei back when she was still a student activist in the university almost got her through the last group of security stationed just outside Zuko’s office - but she knew they wouldn’t let her in so easy.

She reaches for her identification badge in her pocket, raising it up to their eyelevel as their spears thrust sideways to a cross in front of the ornate door. Jin is unfazed. “Official matters to be discussed. Updates to be reported at once.”

One of the two guards steps in to speak. “It will have to wait till morning. We are under instruction to allow nobody in to Firelord Zuko’s private solar after hours.”

“A _solar,_ huh?” Jin jests. “Fancy.”

_So, not exactly an office after all._

“So there’s a bed and all set up for him in there to crash in whenever he’s too spent to head back to his own chamber?” She asks, dawdling time.

The guards exchange uncertain glances to each other. “There are sleeping quarters adjoined to his chancery… yes,” one clarifies.

Jin cocks her head to the side in mock ponder. “So how often do you think he holes himself up in there with his work?” She jerks her chin towards the door, then all too soon starts yelling in one breath, _“FIRELORD ZUKO, MAYBE YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE-”_

A _for crying out loud_ can be heard behind the lacquered mahogany, along with the shrill screeching of a chair’s legs being scraped across marble tile. The sound of shuffling feet comes next along with - _wait, is he actually_ stomping? Jin thinks, amused.

The door opens inward in one harsh yank - god forbid to him to push _outward_ \- and there Zuko fumes in hot temper, glaring at the closest guard next to him and growling, “I thought I _clearly_ said-” He cuts short as he turns to reprimand the other guard only to pause at the earth kingdom girl in the middle that certainly _do not_ blend in to their surrounding shades of gold, maroon and auburn.

He falters in confusion for a split second. _“…Jin?”_ Before gathering himself in a scowl, “Get _in.”_

The guards obligingly uncross their spears and Jin merrily makes her way, tossing her head back at them in a salute while she’s at it. _“Thanks, boys!”_ She winks. She watches their faces colour before Zuko slams the door shut behind her, dubious.

He’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest and a frown plastered on his face. _Okay, but like, when is Zuko ever_ not _frowning?_

“What,” he says flatly, “exactly are you up to.”

Jin tilts her head innocently at the appraisal. “I wanted to say hi.”

If possible, it looks like Zuko is frowning even more. “You wanted,” he repeats incredulously, _“to say hi.”_

And it’s an accusation to her guile, if anything.

Jin shrugs, nonchalant, wandering towards the elegant chaise in the middle of the room as she places both hands firm on its back frame to curiously squeeze against its plush padding. _Down feathers,_ she offhandedly notes. _How lovely._

“It’s been years since our last conversation together,” she muses ruefully.

“There’s always writing,” he bites back, bitter. “You could’ve wrote back.”

“Lee-,” she says out of habit, then corrects herself, _“Zuko,_ I didn’t mean to. You knew how busy I was in university.”

“And I was busy governing a country!” Zuko bellows, shoving back off the wall in agitation, using the momentum to push his feet forward into motion as he stalks across the room to Jin’s side. She turns to him reflexively, prying her hands off the chaise as he thrusts his own hands downward without care to ardently grasp them in his. _“We could’ve made it work.”_

There is regret in his voice that is breaking her heart as each chip splinters into fragments the longer the silence lets on. She feels like she has every right to want to cower away from the intensity of his heated glare, but instead she finds herself enamoured by the conviction behind those burning irises that are so captivatingly wide and bright and molten gold.

They seem to be fiercely searching for answers in the viridescence of her own eyes, and failing to uncover them there, because maybe the answer lies elsewhere.

 _“Give me the chance to…,”_ she whispers carelessly in her reverie. Where she had every reason to feel lost in the labyrinth of elaborate building plans, she now finds herself lost in something so trifling as a mere held gaze.

And-

She takes it all in.

The loose strands of hair that fall and frame the sides of his face, the five gleaming prongs of his royal headpiece resembling a crown upon his topknot, the beginnings of a prominent eyebag just below his right eye - Jin carefully brings a hand up from his slackened grip on her, absently brushing her middle finger against the dark curve of it.

Zuko takes in a quivered breath at her tender touch. He doesn’t flinch.

Fingers trail to his scar.

She feels him shiver under her, but remains unmoving. Jin intently traces the burnt crest with the same middle finger, and the discoloured skin there is coarse, uneven and almost jagged - Zuko closes his eyes, steadying his breathing as she gingerly spreads her subsequent fingers to rest upon his cheek, thoughtfully moving lower, not in a heavy drag but in a light brush of a caress over his face, hovering almost as soft fingers ghost charred skin, until her idle thumb reaches the curve of his upper lip, fingering the dip of a cupid’s bow there.

Zuko’s lips part shyly in response, as his free arm gravitates towards the small of her back, instinctively pressing her in closer, just yearning, yearning, _yearning for-_

She leans in for a brief kiss, but his lips had other plans - latching on to hers before she lets go to part like he’s starved for it-

_He’s been starving for so long._

He gives an affectionate suck on her bottom lip, tongue swiping just under the upper one to beckon her mouth wider as he deepens the kiss. Jin bends to his will, tenderly cupping the scarred side of his face as their kisses grow more fervent. Belatedly realizing that they still have their hands entangled in between, Jin uses this opportunity to guide him towards his abdomen as she pins his trapped hand lower, and lower, towards the dent in his pants.

She splays her fingers open against his, turning his hand over so he may palm his clothed cock there, with her own hand nestled atop.

Their chests are touching so when a groan escapes Zuko’s throat, it reverberates not only against her mouth but all throughout her body.

This time, it is Jin who shivers. The feeling is pleasing and intoxicating all at once and it sends heat straight between her thighs.

Zuko eyes flutter open just in time to catch hers shut close, twisting his hand out of her hold, and away from his erection to tend to somewhere else he has in mind.

His freed hand scrambles forward to ruffle through layers of fabric until he finds bare skin and Jin gasps in anticipation when the rough palm edges higher along her thigh, allowing the tips of his fingers to graze teasingly against her underwear. She blushes at how wet she must feel to him, despite herself - and despite the many other times they had done this before when they were still two teens dating.

_How is this any different?_

Jin feels the elastic of her waistband being suggestively fingered downwards, beckoning the apparel off as another hand deftly unknots and pulls at the sash keeping her dress together in one smooth motion, unravelling the sight of her in her intimates as Zuko drinks up the view.

Her white bandeau binds her pert breasts in place, and he can vaguely make out the shape of her nipples jutting as she shakes off the rest of her clothing, bare skin exposed to the air around her as the fabric pools around her ankles.

She steps out of it nimbly and Zuko watches her as he licks his lips, eyes trailing lower to flat, toned stomach and even lower to tight underwear that still clings to the curves of her waist, leaving little to his imagination.

He wants them off. _Now._

She saunters to him as he grits his teeth, a knowing smile playing on her lips, as she rests a hand on his shoulder, before slinking seductively downwards along his biceps to his wrist with the deliberate drag of her fingers, tugging at his hand when she reaches it, finally, as she guides him towards the front of the chaise.

Letting go of his hand to push him down on the cushioned seat, Jin makes haste to busy his idle mouth as she leans in for another consuming kiss, hands gathering up to hold his face as his arms instinctively wrap around her slim body, making leeway for his own palms to greedily roam all over _\- from the back of her nape to the snake of her spine, threading lower to hips, to ass_ \- and yet not enough all at once.

Infatuated by her lips and body against him, he hardly notices Jin’s fingers quick at work unbuttoning and unclasping the intricate fastenings of his over-embellished firelord attire - they break apart for Jin to pull the remaining garment off his head, article after separate article of more ostentatious finery being deposited onto the marble floor, from the layers of his spiked shoulder pieces to his tailored cufflings. They drop one by one.

“So you have servants dress you every day or do you do it yourself?” Jin smirks in wry humour, leaning in to resume their kiss.

Zuko can feel her grinning against him as she makes her way lower from his swollen lips to gently graze teeth against his chin, before mouthing her way along his sharp jawline. She makes a sound like she’s purring against the sensitive skin just below there, where it joins and stretches to separate the anatomy between jaw and neck, as Jin hooks deft fingers into the waistband of his pants, lowering them down.

The graze of his nether hair bristles against her thumbs, and she feels dirty somewhat despite their past history of trysts, because _of course this feels different,_ she thinks back. _He’s firelord now._

The cloth snags over Zuko's engorged member, pulled downwards by the waistband before leaping out proudly once free of its enclosure. It sends his blood pounding.

Zuko hastily loosens the pants down from his muscular legs without missing a beat, shoving them off his feet, finally, as the rich musk of his scent pervades Jin’s senses.

She swallows, eyeing his sex, feeling faulty at her obvious ogle, forgetting just how _well-endowed_ he really is and _shit-_

_Is she staring at it a little too long?_

Zuko eyebrows bunch together in a furrow, following her line of vision to self-consciously inspect himself down. Anxiety floods him at the prospect of Jin feeling intimidated by his generous size, even after all those years together.

She might not be too keen on the idea now, and the insecurity claws at him like talons scraping against his ribcage as he croaks out, _“Jin…_ tell me if you don’t-”

Her head ducks down instantaneously, mouth latching onto his cock in one hearty _swallow._

Zuko _groans,_ guttural and animalistic, as if being knocked out of breath from an unexpected gut punch, because-

That came out of nowhere.

And she’s enthusiastic in her reassuring sucks to remove his doubts, her head bobbing up and down, as her hand closes tight around the base of his shaft in rhythmic strokes to her timed sucking. Zuko’s body spasms, interchanging between light twitches to erratic convulsions at random deep throats by Jin the further she sinks into him, reducing his body to a useless jumble of floundering limbs.

She lessens her pace after a moment, mouth sinfully slow as she heavily slurps up his length until she reaches its tip, detaching herself from him with a wet _pop_ \- the sound of it obscene.

Zuko’s legs give in from their initial prop, shaking as she deliberately drags her tongue up and around his member, exploring the wide girth of skin there in languorous laps and making sure to get in between all the meandering nooks that shape the throbbing head of his dick.

She lunges in without warning for another passionate suck, catching him off guard again but not without him easily transitioning into her rhythm this time.

Zuko’s hips buck sharply upward at one particularly body rendering deep throat that sends him seeing stars, and his shaft hits smack dab at the back of her throat, causing her to choke around him, sending tremors of vibrations all throughout his body.

Jin abruptly pulls off, coughing.

Every part of him rigidly tenses up in panic, eyes widening in horror as he cranes his head down to look at her. _“Fuck,_ Jin, I’m sorry-” He swallows, losing all coherence left in him. “I didn’t know-”

“Don’t be sorry,” she coos, breath close against his cock to make him involuntarily shiver once more, hands sliding sensuously from the jutting bone of his hips, then upwards toward lean, chiseled abs amidst the pale expanse of taut skin, stopping finally at the nubs of his nipples, thumbing into both of them in slow, _lazy_ circles.

 _“Jin,”_ he hears himself moan, but it’s more of a desperate cry if anything.

She nuzzles his dick, peppering sweet, _sweet_ kisses all over, and his head is still craned downwards as he watches her lick a line up a protruding vein along his shaft, under glazed, lustful eyes.

She peers at him from under her eyelashes as she murmurs, “You’re _gorgeous,”_ in between the back and forth lapping of her tongue along that very _same_ vein.

The sight of it is so _lewd_ that something feral suddenly snaps in him, possessing him as he abruptly crouches over to latch hands urgently onto her waist, before sliding coarse palms downward from the elastic of her underwear, finally peeling the flimsy thing off, as her own hands begin to strip the bandeau top off from her arms, tossing it to the ground.

Catching her petite body back into his solid hold as nails dig crescents into her skin, Zuko lifts her up to perch her against his strong thighs, her crotch pressed firm against his erection as she sits before it.

“Ride me,” he commands, as if talking to one of his generals.

Jin raises her brows. “Is that an order?” But she’s already warming herself up to a forward grind against his cock.

Zuko grabs her ass for purchase, nostrils flaring as he lets out an exhale of air mixed with licks of flames that dissipate as soon as they are breathed out.

They look like flickering embers.

Jin is mesmerized.

She lifts herself up in position, angling herself as she lowers down to tease the head of his cock into her cunt, slowly easing herself in, and shivering in pleasure as she finds herself smoothly sliding down his length not a moment too soon, the dripping fluids of her arousal aiding her in her pursuit.

Zuko’s body feels like it’s vibrating beneath her as he shudders into her touch and from this higher vantage Jin notices how attractively rugged he looks in this older, bulked up body, lowering her hand down to palm his chest, pectorals tense and firm, then the side of his arm where biceps spread flexed against skin- she shifts her wandering hand back towards his chiseled torso, threading lower to the sculpted abdomen that presents itself there.

She rocks against him steadily as her palm rests there for support, bringing the other one up to affectionately cup his face.

And he is-

Her breath feels like it's caught hard in her throat.

He is, she thinks, what most people would describe as handsome. Her hand splayed against his stomach now creeps up to reach his topknot, swiftly untying it to let the rest of his raven locks fall, and she doesn’t realize the crown headpiece slipping to the side as she makes that one final pull, freeing his hair entirely, until the clanging of metal hitting the floor jolts her back to reality. She flinches, muttering a _sorry,_ mouth twitching sheepishly upwards in an apologetic smile.

Zuko lets out a throaty grunt, panting as he lurches forward in a sudden jerk, one hand supporting her lower back and the other supporting her neck, switching their positions over to gain more control.

Jin’s complexion blooms red in a blush, watching him work himself on her in ardent thrusts, lowering his face down to nuzzle against her breast while he’s at it, nibbling on the rosy bud there before travelling upwards to mouth against her neck. Jin cants her hips forward in response to the gesture, curling her hands higher from her hold on his shoulders, to meet at the damp skin of his nape, then to finally settle in his hair- disheveling its unruly strands even more as she runs through those sweat strewn tangles, vying for any purchase she can get.

His girth inside her is heavy and thick and it fills her up in all the right places, and especially when he hits it just _right-_ “Right there,” she breathes, encouraging him as her back arches, as her thighs shake.

She doesn’t-

Zuko withdraws almost entirely out from her before mercilessly plunging right back in for another slam, fastening his pace right after, easy does it. Jin hears herself keening before she could help it as she grows just this side of desperate, biting her lip to tamper down the noise.

_She doesn’t want to come yet._

“Zuko,” she whispers, panting as her body trembles at the urgent pace of his shunting. _“Zuko,”_ she says again as if tasting the name for the first time - like she hasn’t said it enough in her lifetime, like she’d been robbed from saying it from as often as she could’ve.

Zuko kisses comfortingly at the corner of her mouth, then right on her lips, suckling lovingly against her velvety folds. “I know, me too,” he rasps against them, voice hoarse as sensations build.

She presses her forehead forward against his in her fervour.

Golden irises meet green and they are shining. Absolutely _blinding._

In her high, she thinks she caught a spectrum of other colours dancing in the mix of his gilded hues. She remembers long conversations with him after the war about vibrant rainbow fires he’d seen by dragons long forgotten that are almost psychedelic in comparison to the fires they’re familiar with.

She thinks this is just as close.

These bright, fiery eyes lay upon a face so ridiculously striking, sometimes Jin wonders if he ever lets himself think that he’s handsome, even just once- even despite his scar.

Her loins ache as she gives in, Zuko shuddering into her as he comes, hot breaths mingled together in heavy pants. She wants to nudge his head forward to kiss him but her hand does the exact opposite instead, tilting his face back to get a better look, mesmerized by the beauty she sees in him.

“So beautiful,” she murmurs, honest, thoughtful and unabashed.

Zuko does not wince, does not break eye contact, does not shrink away like he usually would.

Instead, he holds her gaze in bated breath, just as entranced as she is, but at something else entirely.

His voice is full of wonder when he replies, _“Yes, you are.”_

* * *

There is still one question left unanswered.

It gnaws at the back of Jin’s mind like an incessant reminder of what she still hasn’t confronted with yet.

They lie tucked in the sleeping quarters of the firelord’s solar, Zuko spooning her from behind with his cock warm inside her, only grinding lazily at times. It’s intimately comforting to have her filled to the brim like this, her walls clamped around him without any sense of urgency to move, just wanting to stay connected together, without any rush overcoming them.

His hot breath tickles her neck as his lips brush against it. “What are you thinking…,” he trails off, absently stroking the underside of her breast.

Jin rubs circles against knuckles on the hand that’s currently snaked around her waist.

She’s suddenly silently grateful that he’s not facing her.

“If I... wasn’t part of the expedition,” she wonders, “would you have let them go?”

Zuko bristles, shifting as he starts to withdraw himself out of her.

She clutches onto his hand, pleading into the moonlit darkness in front of her, _“Please,”_ her voice cracks, “stay.”

Zuko obliges just so, wanting nothing else. He slides back in to fill her once more, as Jin lets out an airy sigh in response to the sensation, welcoming his girth back into her heat.

He’s still bewildered by the accusation.

“What do you mean,” he says finally, though it doesn’t sound like a question.

Jin grinds back up against him, head falling back against the crook of his neck.

Zuko’s skin is hot. He groans at how _tight_ she feels around him.

“You told me once before that the one of the most important things you’ve learned from being a ruler of a country is to never be biased with your decisions,” she starts, reminiscing. “I don’t know, I just-” She shrugs against him and she could feel him frown into her cheek. “I just want you to remember that.”

She can’t see his face but she can clearly feel the scrunched up expression of his scowl.

“Out with it,” he prompts, mouth at her ear. “Say what you mean.”

Jin’s head twists back to look him in the eye. “You put off an entire mission because you were worried about my safety,” she openly suspects. “True or false.”

His eyes narrow her in like daggers, glaring at her charge against him. “False,” he says curtly, having an answer ready at the tip of his tongue. “Though the legend may be true, the mission is backed with no guarantee that a solution lies waiting there.”

“Previous scientific and engineering methods to overcome the problem have also no guarantee of success, and yet the government still funds them,” she offers.

“These methods do not endanger the lives of people involved,” he shoots back.

“So you rather sit back and not try if opportunity presents itself like this?” She presses. “You wouldn’t take the risk?”

Zuko makes a frustrated noise, a broken-off curse that turns into the responding jerk of his hips against her in reprimand. Her breath hitches, groaning as her own hips push back.

She keeps her eyes trained on him. “You took the risk when you left to find the avatar.”

And the weight of her words hang in the air like a jarring reminder he should never forget.

Zuko’s jaw visibly clenches, arms that are still enveloped around her growing increasingly tight. She doesn’t flinch.

“You were doing it for personal gain,” he grits out, finally. “I _had_ to call it off.”

Jin wants to laugh. “What-”

“You want to rebuild your village,” he chastises, “that was destroyed in the war.” He raises a palm to rest knowingly on her face as the next words escape his lips. “And you can’t do that…,” he concludes, “with barren land.”

Jin is _reeling,_ scrambling to pull herself off from him so she can finally turn to properly face him. “And what of it?” She challenges.

“Didn’t you hear what the sandbender said?” He mutters, ignoring how his exposed cock is twitching at the sight of the womanly dips and curves of her nude body outlined by moonlight. “The legend says you’ll be doomed if you seek answers for your own benefit.”

“It’s for the benefit of the world,” she snaps. “I’m part of its population. Are we done here?”

Jin turns back on her side, indignantly pulling the blanket over her shoulder, though the air is still rather stuffy.

“The legend says-”

“The legend says that those who wish to exploit their enemies will be doomed. I seek no harm to anyone. I just want to the world to heal.”

There is the distant sound of crickets chirping through the half ajar window, bringing in fresh breeze to cool the air of humidity indoors. The room is silent save for their even breathing and the trill of the insects singing outside.

“I’m scared of losing you,” Zuko admits, voice quiet and just barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t chance it.”

Jin flips over right then, shrugging the blanket off because _shit,_ she’s started to sweat. Her hand reaches for his chest, placing a palm to his heart. “You have to _trust_ me.”

Zuko’s hands are quick to pull her in, cradling her almost protectively in his arms as he presses a kiss to her forehead.

He doesn’t reply.

* * *

She wasn’t supposed to sleep with him.

She was supposed to pilfer the royal seal sitting on the desk next door and use that to accompany the signature she was planning to forge on official permission slips.

No big deal. Could’ve been done blindfolded.

But _man,_ does he smell good right now. Like burnt musk and clean sweat and - she sniffs upwards towards his hair - chrysanthemums. Not too fragrant, just faint enough for the smell to linger distinctively amidst the shared air between them as he hugs her to sleep.

She distracts herself from the urge to steal by lowering a hand down his stomach to count his ribs.

 _One, two, three…,_ she threads upwards with her fingertips, and it’s repetitive, and it’s strangely calming, and it momentarily allows her to forget the rest of her guilt - her true intention of coming here just to stab him in the back.

It’s not like she _wants_ to.

He just leaves her with no choice sometimes, damn the consequences.

Jin chews on her lip, counting ribs on the right side, and fully knowing the number will add up in tally to the left, but determined to recount them anyway, just anything to tamper down her growing nerves.

The chorus of crickets start to fade in the background and she knew dawn is fast approaching.

It’s either she takes the chance now to snatch the seal up while he’s still asleep, or lose it to what’s left of her own moral conflict about this.

Her eyes flick up imploringly at Zuko’s sleeping face, as if seeking advice though she knows exactly what he’ll say, features unguarded and relaxed and peacefully still that when she imagines the disappointment strewn across his hurt face when he finds out what she’s done, _if_ she does it, she knew she could never really forgive herself.

Not when he means so much to her.

Jin thumbs a rib, surrendering as she loses count, shoulders slumping in defeat as she buries her face into his chest to try for sleep once more.

The consequences aren’t worth it.

* * *

They’re all packed and ready to leave.

The noon sun hangs high up in the sky and though she’s fresh out of a shower, she could already feel the sheen of sweat forming on her back and sticking cotton to her skin. She pulls and pushes at the fabric behind her in an airing out motion back and forth, until she feels her back dry.

She’s separated from her party because she just isn’t in the mood for civil pleasantries and farewells after having their proposal so senselessly denied by the one person she depended on most.

Of course, Jin could’ve seen her little, harmless scheme through last night, but look how that turned out.

Though her feelings for Zuko have hindered her motives, she will _still_ find other ways to carry on the search. With or without the committee’s support.

She filters through the groundwork in her head - first, she needs a sandbender guide to traverse through desert sands, second, she needs a single sand-sailer, but without board funding, it’ll be pretty hard to come by since she’s already strapped for cash.

Jin sighs, running her fingers through her hair, contemplating on illegal conduct _once more._

Sure she knows a few underground networks that can help her acquire one at a low rate, but there’s always the possibility of getting conned. And what’s the use of a makeshift, junkyard sand-sailer if it’s only going to take her halfway before breaking down and stranding her in the middle of nowhere.

Jin closes her eyes and shifts her thoughts, picturing home.

In the countryside, way out in the outskirts of Ba Sing Se, and she thinks of greenery so lush with morning dew and vistas of cloudless blue skies that are untouched by high rise buildings. In their place instead are wavering canopies with bountiful leaves that merge and touch, and the rapid, agile flight of colourful dragonflies with iridescent wings darting past.

She thinks of streams of rivers with sinuous rivulets that wind and glide through waters clear enough to view the shiny pebbles settled below.

She thinks of her parents’ lifeless body covered in soot while her village burns.

She thinks of the taste of ash in her mouth as the remaining survivors scamper for escape.

She opens her eyes and there stands the firelord.

Not overdressed in the usual royal regalia but in civilian fire nation tunic and pants.

He has a rucksack slung over his shoulder and what looks like a document curled in his hand.

“I want to help,” he says.

And she doesn’t need context to understand what he means.

Jin stares at Zuko, in all his resolve, with those eyes of his that are wide and bright and molten gold staring back - and despite the many wonders she’s seen in the world, Jin thinks she’s never seen anything more breathtaking.

**Author's Note:**

> so, firelord......... when are ya gonna propose :)))))


End file.
